“The Heart Mender” is a book that I recently read as a part of my participation in the BookSneeze program by Thomas Nelson Publishers. It’s a pretty cool thing to do, and if you have a blog and you like to read, you might check it out. In exchange for writing a review on a blog, they will send you the book. This book comes with an added bonus because they sent me an extra copy to give away on my blog. Stay tuned for how you can win a copy for yourself!

This book is a good mix of history and great storytelling. In 1942, German subs are dispatched to the Gulf of Mexico to sink U.S. vessels carrying goods and fuel. While taking a late-night walk, Helen Mason—widowed by war—discovers the near-lifeless body of a German sailor. Enraged at the site of Josef Landermann’s uniform, Helen is prepared to leave him to die when an unusual phrase, faintly uttered, changes her mind. In The Heart Mender, a small town must prepare itself for the worst the world has to offer, and Josef and Helen must reconcile their pasts to create a future.

I have been a fan of Andy Andrews’ work since I read “The Traveler’s Gift” and found it so profoundly impacted my life. I must admit, though, that there was always one book I hadn’t really read, even though I purchased it, “Island of Saints.” I’m not really even sure why I didn’t read it, it just seemed at the time that it didn’t hold much appeal to me. Imagine my surprise when, in the author’s notes in the front of the book, I learned this is the same story under a new title. Determined to fulfill my commitment in the BookSneeze program, I was committed to reading it this time. What I found is that it was a hard book to put down and I read nonstop until it was done. It is an amazing story.

Why a book about forgiveness on a leadership blog? Because forgiveness is about second chances. It’s about letting go of the past. I believe as leaders we need to be able to do both, forgive, and give second chances. In leadership roles, we often find ourselves hurt, and unfortunately sometimes we are also the one hurting someone else. That makes this book a great lesson for leaders, and I hope you will read the book for yourself. It has caused me to really evaluate some things in my own life and make some changes.

No Man is an Island

This concept really is a powerful one. The quote comes from John Donne and was written in 1623. He wrote: “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of a continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less…Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”

As humans, we are interconnected to each other. The story takes place on an island, which is part of the symbolism in the book. And yet, there is a portion of the book that really spoke to me. It is spoken by Margaret, one of the characters in the book, to her husband, talking about the quote above. It is on page 157 of the book, and says:
“Where is it written that for one person to forgive another, the offender must ask for forgiveness? Where is it written–not in the Bible, for sure–that for one person to forgive another, the offender must deserve it? How about this…where is it written that for one person to forgive another, the offender has to approve it, accept it, or even know about it? …. ‘No man is an island’ if we choose not to forgive. Not to forgive means we yield ourselves to another person’s control–another person’s governing values and his attitudes and actions. We are forced by someone else into sequences of act and response, of outrage and revenge, and you know what? It always gets worse. Our present, when we refuse to forgive, is endlessly overwhelmed by the past. But we become an ‘island’ when we forgive. The act sets us apart from the burdens of people we generally don’t like in the first place! Forgiveness frees the forgiver.

Sometimes we attach our entire lives to the moment we were hurt and allow it to define and consume our very existence. We travel with that hurt–that offense–and brood over it every time it comes to mind. We sleep with it, eat with it. The ‘wrong’ that has been done to us dictates how we speak to our children, our spouses, our friends…Even when those who have mistreated us, abused us, cheated us, or oppressed us…my God, Billy, even when they die, our anger and resentment do not have the decency to do the same! Our hurt continues to live.”

Her husband’s response was a simple one: “Until we forgive. I see it. There is no such thing as managing one’s anger. It simply can’t be done. The only answer is to forgive…and get rid of it forever.”

What powerful words and what amazing truth they hold. So many times we allow those hurts in our lives to impact us, even after the person is long gone. Forgiveness really is for the forgiver, not the offender. What a powerful thought that the simple act of forgiving someone does not rely on them wanting it, asking for it, accepting it, or even deserving it. Yet, to forgive frees us from the hold that the anger has on us.

I am so thankful that this book was a choice for me to read. The message is powerful and one that needs to be shared more often.

How you can win a copy of The Heart Mender
Thomas Nelson has given me a copy to give away here on this blog. To be eligible for our drawing, you need to do two things:
Respond here in the comments section with why you would like to have a copy of the book. Post a link to this blog post to your Facebook or Twitter account. The winner will be drawn from those who participate and will be notified next week. You must post by Sunday, May 23, in order to be eligible.

I look forward to your responses!

I found this today while reading the blogs I normally follow and thought it was worth sharing with you.

For some help and ideas on this, see these topics:
Leadership and Humility
Don’t Be a Puffer Fish

ST. LOUIS–(BUSINESS WIRE)–A new Maritz® Poll conducted by Maritz Research, a leader in employee satisfaction research, paints a dire outlook of American workforce attitudes toward employers. Employees’ trust toward their workplace has taken a severe hit, with employees across all industry segments citing a lack of trust in not only senior leaders, but direct managers and co-workers as well.

“You’ve got to maintain credibility with your workforce as a means of getting them to totally buy in to the mission and vision of your company. Anything less fosters a disengaged workforce that puts self-interest at the top of its list of priorities.”

According to the poll, few (11 percent) employees strongly agree their managers show consistency between their words and actions. In addition, only seven percent of employees strongly agree they trust senior leaders to look out for their best interest, and only seven percent strongly agree they trust their co-workers to do so. Approximately one-fifth of respondents disagree that their company’s leader is completely honest and ethical, and one-quarter of respondents disagree that they trust management to make the right decisions in times of uncertainty. While workplace trust has been dwindling since the Enron, WorldCom, and Tyco scandals of the earlier part of the decade, threats of layoffs and downsizing have only exacerbated the problem.

“In times like these, trust is an especially critical issue. Companies need their best people more than ever to be engaged and productive. But, often, this process starts at the top,” says Rick Garlick, Ph.D., senior director of consulting and strategic implementation, Hospitality Research Group, Maritz Research. “You’ve got to maintain credibility with your workforce as a means of getting them to totally buy in to the mission and vision of your company. Anything less fosters a disengaged workforce that puts self-interest at the top of its list of priorities.”

In cases where management trust was strong, the study found that employees were significantly more committed to working for their companies. More than half of respondents (58 percent) with strong trust in their management were completely satisfied with their job, while only four percent of respondents with weak trust in management cited they were completely satisfied with their job.

The study also revealed:

* Nearly two-thirds (63 percent) of respondents with strong trust in management would be happy to spend the rest of their career with their present company. This compares to only seven percent of respondents who have weak trust in management.
* More than half of those surveyed (51 percent) with strong management trust would invest money in their company if they could versus only six percent of those surveyed with weak management trust.
* Only three percent of respondents with weak management trust look forward to coming to work everyday. For those with strong management trust, 50 percent responded they look forward to coming to work everyday.

Which Industry Fares Well? Hospitality Employees and Its Customers

While the survey suggests there is room for improvement across all sectors, the hospitality industry seems to have some advantages over others. For example, hospitality employees (14 percent) are more likely than other industry segments (9 percent) to rate their company as a “fun place to work.” Hospitality sector employees also tend to rate their companies better on customer service-related issues and the impact they make:

* More than one-third (34 percent) completely understand how their work impacts customers’ experiences, compared to only 23 percent in other industries.
* Twenty percent believe they have the authority they need to respond promptly to customer problems and requests, versus just 15 percent of respondents in other industries.

Approximately one-fifth (21 percent) of hospitality respondents believe their customers would rate the service they deliver as excellent, compared to only 14 percent of respondents in other segments. However, there is room for improvement. Only 15 percent of employees agree that their company has the policies, systems and procedures in place to deliver outstanding customer service.

“With the hospitality industry taking one of the biggest hits due to poor economic conditions and negative perceptions, it is promising that employees feel positive about the connection of their daily work to customer service issues. But, it is still not a rosy picture when it comes to engagement. The results show that a lack of trust runs rampant in this sector as well, which impacts employees’ perceived long term career development opportunities, co-worker relationships, and productivity levels,” says Garlick.

Don’t slash that recognition program

The weak economy forced companies to cut costs across the organization. And, unfortunately, formal recognition programs were frequently sacrificed. More than one-third of respondents (33 percent) cited their company scaled back or eliminated their recognition program in the past year. There is some data, at least from the employees’ perspective, to suggest these cuts have had an impact on the quality of service they deliver to customers. Among employees whose companies kept recognition programs intact, 25 percent strongly agreed their customers would rate their service as excellent. Among those whose companies cut back on their recognition programs or never had one, only 14 percent strongly agreed customers would rate their service as excellent.

“Recognition programs are critical to demonstrating to employees that they are valued and appreciated for the work they perform. It’s an important engagement tool, as it helps to reinforce messages about how people are making an impact,” says Garlick. “This is a wake-up call for management teams that consider employee recognition programs as expendable. Not only do recognition programs positively impact employee engagement levels, they ultimately lead to positive customer service perceptions, which impact the bottom line.”

About Maritz® Poll

Maritz® Poll is a copyrighted poll conducted since 1988 by Maritz Research. Maritz Poll comprises regular surveys on topics related to the automotive, financial services, hospitality, retail, technology, and telecommunications sectors as well as workplace issues. This poll was conducted March 1-5, 2010. The 2,004 respondents were people who were employed full time and drawn from a national e-mail panel. Sampling error for the overall poll is +/-3 percent. Results of the poll may be used in print or broadcast media, provided credit is given to the Maritz Poll and/or Maritz Research.

About Maritz Research

As one of the world’s largest marketing research firms, Maritz Research, a unit of Maritz, helps many of today’s most successful companies improve performance through an actionable understanding of their customers, employees, and channel partners. Founded in 1973, Maritz Research offers a range of strategic and tactical solutions concentrating primarily in the automotive, financial services, hospitality, telecommunications and technology and retail industries. Maritz Research projects are carried out in compliance with the International Standard: ISO 20252:2006 Market, Opinion, and Social Research Standard. Maritz Research is a member of CASRO and official sponsor of the American Marketing Association.

So, how about it? What can leaders do to regain that lost trust? More important, what can we do to not lose that trust in the first place?

Leaders spend a lot of time focused on goals and how to achieve them. We often find ourselves running in ten different directions (on a good day!) and at the end of the day, not really sure what we have accomplished. Consider this quote:

“What comes first, the compass or the clock? Before one can truly manage time (the clock), it is important to know where you are going, what your priorities and goals are, in which direction you are headed (the compass). Where you are headed is more important than how fast you are going. Rather than always focusing on what’s urgent, learn to focus on what is really important.”

Priorities are important, no matter what aspect of life you’re talking about. Operating on a simple to do list isn’t very effective if you don’t know which things on that list are really important. Without prioritizing those things, the juggling we do feels like we are juggling huge boulders instead of simple foam balls. And when one of those things falls to the ground, it creates a much bigger ripple effect.

Take a look at your to do list. Things are easy to prioritize if you make those lists according to your values. What is most important? What will have the biggest impact? Too often in our attempt to juggle things and get it all done, we neglect some of those things that we say we really value.

I’d like to say juggling all of the priorities in my life is easy and I’ve accomplished it. I haven’t. There are days when I realize that, while I may have gotten all of the “work” done for the day, I haven’t done much with family or friends. Balance in that area is important.

I like to start by looking at my list of values. Then compare that to my list of priorities. Do they all fit within that list of values? If not, perhaps it doesn’t belong on my priority list. I then take that list and put a simple A, B, C to it. A means it is important and urgent and must get done today. The B list are things that are still important and need to get done, and yet if they aren’t finished today, it’s okay. Those things on the C list are my “wish” list of things I’d like to do. This helps as I can attack the A list first, then move to the B list, and if there’s time in the day, I can do some of the C’s. If something doesn’t get done on my B list, I move it to the next day. It’s a simple system, but one that seems to work.

How do you juggle your priorities? What challenges do you have in doing that? Let’s have some dialogue!

This saying by Theodore Roosevelt is one of my favorites: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Good leadership is caring about the people you lead. The reality is that nobody really cares how much knowledge you have, but they do care about how you make them feel.

I love the site “Simple Truths” as they have such inspiring products. Today I received this link to a great new movie about the richest man in town. I hope you will take a few minutes to watch the video and think about how it applies to your own leadership style.

Do you know someone who touches lives like this? Let’s here about it!

Have you ever had one of those days, or weeks, when you’re the leader and you work to motivate the folks around you, yet nothing you do seems to work? Or something you tried just fell flat and didn’t work at? I think we have all had those times and they sure aren’t fun. What happens then? Who motivates the motivator?

A friend of mine once said “leadership’s not for sissies,” and I sure agree with that statement. It’s tough work. There are days when it just seems too much to keep going and you want to quit. What do you do then? Well, a good leader just bucks up and moves on, right? Yes, and if only it were that easy.

I believe leaders need to have a plan for those times when things just aren’t easy. Here are a few suggestions for you:

• Have someone you can go to who WILL encourage you. It may be your spouse, your best friend, just have it be someone who isn’t on the team you’re trying to motivate. It has to be someone who can and will let you be “human.”
• Read motivational quotes and books. I find some great pick-me-ups in things like this. You can subscribe to daily motivational quotes as a way to start your day.
• Remember the times when sometime DID work. Take a few minutes and remember how it felt when something you did was awesome and you just wanted to push even harder to get more done.
• Network with other leaders. It helps to share challenges with other leaders and learn from each other how someone else has handled a similar situation.
• Take a look at the people you have mentored. For me, that’s one of the biggest feelings of accomplishment, watching someone else grow. It’s exciting to see them come into their own and to remember how they started.
• Take a break! No one can be “up” 100% of the time and sometimes it’s best just to step away and take a break. Imagine a day with no work, no internet, no interruptions, just to relax and do for YOU. It can be quite refreshing.

What have I left out? What other things do you do to find motivation when you just don’t feel like it? I look forward to your comments.

It’s funny how life works sometimes. Last week right after I wrote this post, I came across a great example that related to leadership in some of my reading. I wished I had seen it before that post, so decided this morning it’s worth doing a “part two” to that post, just to share this story with you.

Last week when we talked about what happens when leaders derail is that they sometimes lose sight of their humility. I think it may be fear that causes that, and the puffer fish is a great example of what happens. When a puffer fish is threatened, they swallow huge amounts of water or air, causing them to grow several times their normal size. This allows them, in most instances, to not become prey for another animal. If you take a look at this picture, it also doesn’t make them very pretty. On one of my first visits to Barbados, I bought a puffer fish spine, all blown up, from a street vendor. I was fascinated with how big this little fish had become.

What we need to remember is that being humble is about not boasting or exaggerating our size. We often live in a “fake it till you make it” kind of world, and in reality that’s not authentic leadership. So, I encourage you, don’t become the puffer fish in your leadership style. It may work for the fish, but it’s not only unattractive but usually unsuccessful in leadership.

Humility

It’s a strange thing

The minute you think you’ve got it,
You’ve lost it.

Have you known leaders like this? In leadership, it really is about being humble and adopting that spirit of servant leadership. It’s been interesting lately as I venture into new territories with blogging and the internet world. There are so many experts out there and sometimes it’s hard to know who to follow and who to listen to. It seems everyone is an expert and some appear to be quite full of themselves. For me, those aren’t the ones I choose to listen to. The ones who have my attention are the ones who are focused more on how to build a relationship and less on themselves.

Leadership is rarely about “I” and always about “us.” It’s amazing how things change when you don’t care who gets credit for a good idea or a successful project. Good leaders tend to none of the credit, and all of the blame. If something goes wrong, then it falls to the leader to take responsibility for that. When sometimes turns out awesome, it was the team who did it.

What happens when we begin to think too highly of ourselves? I believe that’s when leaders lose their followers. People generally don’t want to work with or follow someone who believes they have all the answers and know THE only way to do something. They sure don’t want to follow someone who takes credit for everything.

Sadly, the loss of humility can be what causes great leaders to fail. When someone loses sight of the fact that it isn’t all about them, it can create that downward spiral that is described in Derailed: Five Lessons Learned from Catastrophic Failures of Leadership (NelsonFree) by Tim Irwin. (This link is an Amazon affiliate link.) We’ve all seen it and it’s pretty ugly to watch that happen to someone.

Does this mean you should think less of yourself and your skills? Of course not. What it does mean is that you develop a mindset that thinks of others first. It makes it all about your audience, about those around you. One of my favorite quotes is “humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself, it just means you think of yourself less.” In the end, that really is what it’s about.

How about you? What examples of humility have you seen in leaders? Please share your thoughts here in the comments section.

All leaders must grow to be truly successful. Sometimes as leaders, we just get too comfortable in what we are doing. We believe we have learned everything we need to be successful, and we stop searching for ways to grow. I don’t think we ever stop learning all we need to learn.

So how do you grow? Here are five tips for ways to grow as a leader:

• Find a mentor. There are many different leadership styles. Seek out someone whose leadership style you admire and ask them to mentor you.  Chances are they will be flattered that you asked. In doing that, remember that the mentor isn’t the one who does all the work in a mentoring situation. Learn what you can and apply it. Without that application, it’s not real growth.
• Books.  Read, read, and read. There are a lot of books published about leadership. Find authors you like and be sure you read their books. My goal for 2010 is to read at least one new book. Again, don’t just read. Be sure you apply what you are reading to begin to have more effective leadership.  Some of my favorites are books by Seth Godin, Ken Blanchard, and Andy Andrews.
• Become self-aware. Really sit down and evaluate your motives in leadership. The best leaders are ones who approach leaders from a servant leadership thought process. Leaders who believe they are there to serve the people  they lead will find a much more productive experience.
• You might want to enroll in a leadership coaching class or seminar. These can be very effective in learning new ideas on how to approach things.
• It is also important to remember that all of this learning doesn’t really help unless you apply it. In Seth Godin’s book “Linchpin,” he calls this “SHIP.” You must ship, get those ideas out there, try them, and see what works!

What things have I forgotten here? How have you found growth as a leader? What are some of the ways you have grown in leadership, personally or professionally, and how did you reach that growth?

Leaders have to be enthusiastic about what they are doing. Have you ever known a really enthusiastic leader? They are passionate about the vision they have, and they believe in it with all their heart. I love those kind of leaders, they just seem to create highly motivated teams. In my early days with the professional association I belong to, I met one of the most enthusiastic leaders I have ever known, Brenda Hurley. She is a dynamic leader who inspires you to be involved with whatever she is doing. I remember telling her one time she was like a missionary who was so excited about what she had to share that everyone just wanted to be involved in it. I learned a lot from her and have always been thankful for her leadership and her friendship.

Enthusiasm is contagious. When you are excited about something, it tends to spread to others. We all want to be involved in things that we are passionate about, and finding someone else who is passionate, drives us to be our best.

Enthusiasm must be real.
I’m not talking about the “salesman” type of enthusiasm that tries to get us to buy into an idea or a product. We can spot those a mile away and false enthusiasm tends to make us cringe and want to move far away from whatever that is. It has to be genuine and heartfelt.

What about when you’re just not enthusiastic?
I have had some talks lately with a friend who said “It’s just my day to be ‘blah. Can’t I have one day?” We all have those days when it’s hard to be motivated. Life happens. It becomes hard to stay pumped up all of the time. Still, it’s important that those we lead don’t see those “blah” days all the time. I’m not suggesting that you should never show people you are having a hard time, that’s not realistic. The goal is not to become superhuman. The goal is to be authentic. Even if you’re having a bad day, are you excited about your project? Then be sure to add that!

We are enthusiastic about what we love.
Yes, it really is that simple. Do you love your job? Love the latest project? If you’re a parent, are you enthusiastic about your kids, your family? When we really love what we are doing, it’s pretty easy to be enthusiastic. If we don’t really love something, it’s much harder. For me, the answer has been to always be sure I am doing what I love. I’ve learned to pick and choose what I do so that I don’t invest time and energy into things that don’t make a difference. If I can be involved in something that really makes a difference, it’s easy to be enthused about it.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” DO something great today!

What are some examples of leaders who have been so enthusiastic you just wanted to follow them?

In our study of the ABCs of Leadership, C is for communication. Without communication, we really have no basis for common ground. Communication, by the very nature of its definition (The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior), is a two-way process. Yes, there is such a thing as one-way communication, but is that really communication? Isn’t it really about the “exchange” of ideas and information? I think so.

Every one of us has a different style of communication. How many times have you had a misunderstanding and felt like responding with “You didn’t hear what I meant to say.” We see this in all areas of life. In our personal lives with spouses, family, friends, and in our professional lives with colleagues, peers, and others in our business.

A few years ago, I was introduced to a great tool for improving communication. It is the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It speaks to each person having a primary love language, or the way that we internalize whether someone really cares about us. While the subtitle of the book talks about ways to communicate with your mate, the principles work in both our personal and professional lives.

The book talks about five love languages–quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gifts. While we may operate with all of them, every person has a primary love language, the one that counts the most. The book has a short quiz you can take to figure out what your primary language is. What we tend to do is express our care and concern for others in our own language, instead of figuring out what theirs is and doing it that way. That leads to misunderstandings and others feeling we really don’t care about them. For example, my primary love language is quality time. In my first marriage, my ex’s primary language was clearly gifts; it was how he expressed he cared about someone, and it was how he saw that others cared about him. On the other hand, his idea of quality time was going to a movie. That didn’t equate to quality time for me, and I often had a hard time really appreciating the gifts he would bring me. Today, in hindsight, I realize that it was just his way of showing he cared. I would much more appreciate an hour of someone’s time sitting at a Starbucks talking than an expensive gift. This is probably also why I enjoyed my last boss so much. We could spend hours at a Starbucks brainstorming about business ideas. My husband now has a primary love language of acts of service. He simply loves to do for others. He cooks for me all the time. It is how he shows his love, and I have learned to love that about him. I have also had to learn to accept his way of showing that love and giving.

In the workplace, it’s the same thing. If you know the primary love language of the people you lead, then you can learn to really express your appreciation of what they do and who they are. For example, it won’t do a lot of good to send someone a gift if their primary love language is words of affirmation; on the other hand, telling them, privately or publicly, what a great job they did on a project goes a long way to showing them you care. Be careful, though, to be sure that your communication is genuine. People can spot a fake compliment fast and it negates the words.

My friend has a saying when working with people that goes like this: “Meet them where they are.” I love that saying because it really speaks to leaders understanding that they have to go to the people, not the other way around. Leaders have a responsibility to be sure that what they communicate is clear and authentic. Do this and avoid having to say “You didn’t hear what I meant.”

One of my favorite quotes about communication comes from Anthony Robbins: “To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

What challenges do you face with communication? What will you do today to improve your communication in the areas of your life where you are a leader? I look forward to your comments.