It’s funny how life works sometimes. Last week right after I wrote this post, I came across a great example that related to leadership in some of my reading. I wished I had seen it before that post, so decided this morning it’s worth doing a “part two” to that post, just to share this story with you.

Last week when we talked about what happens when leaders derail is that they sometimes lose sight of their humility. I think it may be fear that causes that, and the puffer fish is a great example of what happens. When a puffer fish is threatened, they swallow huge amounts of water or air, causing them to grow several times their normal size. This allows them, in most instances, to not become prey for another animal. If you take a look at this picture, it also doesn’t make them very pretty. On one of my first visits to Barbados, I bought a puffer fish spine, all blown up, from a street vendor. I was fascinated with how big this little fish had become.

What we need to remember is that being humble is about not boasting or exaggerating our size. We often live in a “fake it till you make it” kind of world, and in reality that’s not authentic leadership. So, I encourage you, don’t become the puffer fish in your leadership style. It may work for the fish, but it’s not only unattractive but usually unsuccessful in leadership.

Humility

It’s a strange thing

The minute you think you’ve got it,
You’ve lost it.

Have you known leaders like this? In leadership, it really is about being humble and adopting that spirit of servant leadership. It’s been interesting lately as I venture into new territories with blogging and the internet world. There are so many experts out there and sometimes it’s hard to know who to follow and who to listen to. It seems everyone is an expert and some appear to be quite full of themselves. For me, those aren’t the ones I choose to listen to. The ones who have my attention are the ones who are focused more on how to build a relationship and less on themselves.

Leadership is rarely about “I” and always about “us.” It’s amazing how things change when you don’t care who gets credit for a good idea or a successful project. Good leaders tend to none of the credit, and all of the blame. If something goes wrong, then it falls to the leader to take responsibility for that. When sometimes turns out awesome, it was the team who did it.

What happens when we begin to think too highly of ourselves? I believe that’s when leaders lose their followers. People generally don’t want to work with or follow someone who believes they have all the answers and know THE only way to do something. They sure don’t want to follow someone who takes credit for everything.

Sadly, the loss of humility can be what causes great leaders to fail. When someone loses sight of the fact that it isn’t all about them, it can create that downward spiral that is described in Derailed: Five Lessons Learned from Catastrophic Failures of Leadership (NelsonFree) by Tim Irwin. (This link is an Amazon affiliate link.) We’ve all seen it and it’s pretty ugly to watch that happen to someone.

Does this mean you should think less of yourself and your skills? Of course not. What it does mean is that you develop a mindset that thinks of others first. It makes it all about your audience, about those around you. One of my favorite quotes is “humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself, it just means you think of yourself less.” In the end, that really is what it’s about.

How about you? What examples of humility have you seen in leaders? Please share your thoughts here in the comments section.

All leaders must grow to be truly successful. Sometimes as leaders, we just get too comfortable in what we are doing. We believe we have learned everything we need to be successful, and we stop searching for ways to grow. I don’t think we ever stop learning all we need to learn.

So how do you grow? Here are five tips for ways to grow as a leader:

• Find a mentor. There are many different leadership styles. Seek out someone whose leadership style you admire and ask them to mentor you.  Chances are they will be flattered that you asked. In doing that, remember that the mentor isn’t the one who does all the work in a mentoring situation. Learn what you can and apply it. Without that application, it’s not real growth.
• Books.  Read, read, and read. There are a lot of books published about leadership. Find authors you like and be sure you read their books. My goal for 2010 is to read at least one new book. Again, don’t just read. Be sure you apply what you are reading to begin to have more effective leadership.  Some of my favorites are books by Seth Godin, Ken Blanchard, and Andy Andrews.
• Become self-aware. Really sit down and evaluate your motives in leadership. The best leaders are ones who approach leaders from a servant leadership thought process. Leaders who believe they are there to serve the people  they lead will find a much more productive experience.
• You might want to enroll in a leadership coaching class or seminar. These can be very effective in learning new ideas on how to approach things.
• It is also important to remember that all of this learning doesn’t really help unless you apply it. In Seth Godin’s book “Linchpin,” he calls this “SHIP.” You must ship, get those ideas out there, try them, and see what works!

What things have I forgotten here? How have you found growth as a leader? What are some of the ways you have grown in leadership, personally or professionally, and how did you reach that growth?

Yes, you did read that headline right, F is for failure. And failure is a part of leadership. How many times have you tried to do something and failed? And then what? Did you give up, or did you find another way to do it or perhaps even realize that it was better to find a new thing to do? No one is successful 100% of the time. When failure comes, and it will, it is important to not let it paralyze you. A quick walk through history will show you that failure is not uncommon in courageous leaders.

Abraham went to war a captain when he was a young man, and returned home a private. He failed in business. He failed in building a law practice because he was too impractical and temperamental. He was defeated in politics six times before he was elected President of the United States. He is quoted as saying “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade. He became Prime Minister at the age of 62, after being defeated in every election for public office. He later wrote “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never–in nothing, great or small, large or petty–never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up.”

How about Thomas Edison? His teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything,” and he was fired from his first two jobs for being “nonproductive.” Before he invented the light bulb, he made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts. When asked how it felt to fail 1,000 times, he said “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

We’ve seen failure in business, and certainly are seeing that in today’s world. And yet, Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before he succeeded. R. H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York city made it. When Bell Telephone was struggling to get off the ground, they offered to sell all of their rights to Western Union, who rejected the offer, saying, “What use could this company possibly make of an electrical toy.”

Sports is another area where we have seen failure before success. Vince Lombardi was once described as one who “…possesses minimal football knowledge and lacks motivation.” He would later write “It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get back up.” Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and credits his failures in life as the reason for his success.

One of my favorites is the story of Walt Disney, who was fired from a newspaper because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” He also went bankrupt several times before he build Disneyland. Even Charles Schultz had every cartoon he did rejected by his high school yearbook staff, and Charlie Chaplin was rejected by the Hollywood studio chiefs because his pantomime was considered “nonsense.” Last, the manager of the Grand Ole Opry fired Elvis Presley after one performance, telling Presley “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”

Think about that for a minute. Failure simply IS a part of success. In order to succeed, we have to step outside of our comfort zone and try something new. And yes, some of those things will fail, probably more than will succeed. But what if you never try? What do you lose by never trying something because you are afraid to fail?

What will you do today to embrace the failures, knowing that success comes if you continue to try?

Leaders have to be enthusiastic about what they are doing. Have you ever known a really enthusiastic leader? They are passionate about the vision they have, and they believe in it with all their heart. I love those kind of leaders, they just seem to create highly motivated teams. In my early days with the professional association I belong to, I met one of the most enthusiastic leaders I have ever known, Brenda Hurley. She is a dynamic leader who inspires you to be involved with whatever she is doing. I remember telling her one time she was like a missionary who was so excited about what she had to share that everyone just wanted to be involved in it. I learned a lot from her and have always been thankful for her leadership and her friendship.

Enthusiasm is contagious. When you are excited about something, it tends to spread to others. We all want to be involved in things that we are passionate about, and finding someone else who is passionate, drives us to be our best.

Enthusiasm must be real.
I’m not talking about the “salesman” type of enthusiasm that tries to get us to buy into an idea or a product. We can spot those a mile away and false enthusiasm tends to make us cringe and want to move far away from whatever that is. It has to be genuine and heartfelt.

What about when you’re just not enthusiastic?
I have had some talks lately with a friend who said “It’s just my day to be ‘blah. Can’t I have one day?” We all have those days when it’s hard to be motivated. Life happens. It becomes hard to stay pumped up all of the time. Still, it’s important that those we lead don’t see those “blah” days all the time. I’m not suggesting that you should never show people you are having a hard time, that’s not realistic. The goal is not to become superhuman. The goal is to be authentic. Even if you’re having a bad day, are you excited about your project? Then be sure to add that!

We are enthusiastic about what we love.
Yes, it really is that simple. Do you love your job? Love the latest project? If you’re a parent, are you enthusiastic about your kids, your family? When we really love what we are doing, it’s pretty easy to be enthusiastic. If we don’t really love something, it’s much harder. For me, the answer has been to always be sure I am doing what I love. I’ve learned to pick and choose what I do so that I don’t invest time and energy into things that don’t make a difference. If I can be involved in something that really makes a difference, it’s easy to be enthused about it.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” DO something great today!

What are some examples of leaders who have been so enthusiastic you just wanted to follow them?

In his book, “The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (and When to Stick)”, Seth Godin talks about knowing those times when the things we are doing just seem to be going downhill and how to move through that dip. It’s no secret that I am a Seth Godin fan. I do love his books. I happened to read this one just short of when I probably should have for the situation I was in, but it’s still a great book and concept and one I sure won’t forget in the future.

We’ve all heard the famous Vince Lombardi quote “Winners never quit and quitters never win,” and yet, is that really true? Think about the times when you have taken a new position somewhere. It’s challenging and exciting. As you learn more and become more familiar with things, your momentum increases. Then you hit a cul-de-sac, where nothing really happens. That is sometimes what our roles feel like as leaders. And it is in those times that we need to figure out whether to quit or stick.

I think everyone has had a time when they felt like they were spinning their wheels. I talk to a lot of people who came into their roles enthusiastic and excited, believing THIS was the role where they would really make a difference. And then it happens. The dip.

Some key things to consider when you hit the dip:
1. Am I panicking? Be sure it’s not just a panic reaction. The best time to decide to quit is in advance.
2. Who am I trying to influence? A person or a market?
3. What sort of measurable progress am I making? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? And are you sure it’s not a freight train?

Today I want to share a video with you about this book. It’s from a guy who does book reviews online, takes about 10 minutes to watch, and is well worth the watch.

What about you? What are some times when you have faced a dip and either pushed through it or decided it was best to quit?

In our study of the ABCs of Leadership, C is for communication. Without communication, we really have no basis for common ground. Communication, by the very nature of its definition (The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior), is a two-way process. Yes, there is such a thing as one-way communication, but is that really communication? Isn’t it really about the “exchange” of ideas and information? I think so.

Every one of us has a different style of communication. How many times have you had a misunderstanding and felt like responding with “You didn’t hear what I meant to say.” We see this in all areas of life. In our personal lives with spouses, family, friends, and in our professional lives with colleagues, peers, and others in our business.

A few years ago, I was introduced to a great tool for improving communication. It is the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It speaks to each person having a primary love language, or the way that we internalize whether someone really cares about us. While the subtitle of the book talks about ways to communicate with your mate, the principles work in both our personal and professional lives.

The book talks about five love languages–quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gifts. While we may operate with all of them, every person has a primary love language, the one that counts the most. The book has a short quiz you can take to figure out what your primary language is. What we tend to do is express our care and concern for others in our own language, instead of figuring out what theirs is and doing it that way. That leads to misunderstandings and others feeling we really don’t care about them. For example, my primary love language is quality time. In my first marriage, my ex’s primary language was clearly gifts; it was how he expressed he cared about someone, and it was how he saw that others cared about him. On the other hand, his idea of quality time was going to a movie. That didn’t equate to quality time for me, and I often had a hard time really appreciating the gifts he would bring me. Today, in hindsight, I realize that it was just his way of showing he cared. I would much more appreciate an hour of someone’s time sitting at a Starbucks talking than an expensive gift. This is probably also why I enjoyed my last boss so much. We could spend hours at a Starbucks brainstorming about business ideas. My husband now has a primary love language of acts of service. He simply loves to do for others. He cooks for me all the time. It is how he shows his love, and I have learned to love that about him. I have also had to learn to accept his way of showing that love and giving.

In the workplace, it’s the same thing. If you know the primary love language of the people you lead, then you can learn to really express your appreciation of what they do and who they are. For example, it won’t do a lot of good to send someone a gift if their primary love language is words of affirmation; on the other hand, telling them, privately or publicly, what a great job they did on a project goes a long way to showing them you care. Be careful, though, to be sure that your communication is genuine. People can spot a fake compliment fast and it negates the words.

My friend has a saying when working with people that goes like this: “Meet them where they are.” I love that saying because it really speaks to leaders understanding that they have to go to the people, not the other way around. Leaders have a responsibility to be sure that what they communicate is clear and authentic. Do this and avoid having to say “You didn’t hear what I meant.”

One of my favorite quotes about communication comes from Anthony Robbins: “To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

What challenges do you face with communication? What will you do today to improve your communication in the areas of your life where you are a leader? I look forward to your comments.

Have you ever had a leader whose idea seemed impossible, and yet you really wanted to follow them and make it happen? Have you had a leader who was always willing to jump in and try something new or different?

Leaders are bold. They act on things that may seem impossible to do. Opportunities are abundant, and if you don’t jump on them and take a chance, you may find that they have passed you by. Having the boldness to do that requires courage and a willingness to fail, and it is worth it to take the chance.

Be bold in your thinking and actions today! Try something new. See where it takes you.

My quote for the day is this:

“The indecision brings its own delays, and days are lost lamenting o’er lost days. Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute; What you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

What will you be bold at today? What is stopping you from taking that bold step to something you know you need to do?

The dictionary defines the word authenticity as “the quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine.” When we are authentic, we are our “true selves.” The masks come off and we stop trying to be someone we aren’t. Sometimes in our lives, it seems we are pushed into a corner and expected to be something else. I’ve had those times in my life. In the end, however, I struggle with it. I tend to be a “WYSIWYG” type of person. There’s nothing to hide, it is what it is.

In leadership, being authentic is important. It is what builds relationships. It is was creates a connection where people want to be a part of what you are doing. I remember once having a boss who was perhaps one of the most authentic people I had ever met. When he spoke, people listened. He never tried to be someone other than who he was, and it worked. In that instance, it allowed him to build a remarkable business because people love working with someone who is real. I learned a lot in that job.

Then there are those times when we’re asked to not show our authentic self. Can you recall a time like that in your life? It’s not a comfortable place to be, and in the end, I believe it costs us. It impacts how others view us because people can easily spot a phony. It costs us in how we feel about ourself because we don’t like being someone other than the person we were created to be. And in the end, it costs us the relationships and trust we may have built.

Sometimes I think we try to stifle our authentic self by simply trying to tell people what they want to hear. In the end, though, leaders do others a disservice in doing this. Even if it’s bad news, it’s better to be authentic. It builds trust.

One of my favorite quotes about authenticity comes from Andrew Cohen: “The authentic self is the best part of a human being. It’s the part of you that already cares, that is already passionate about evolution. When your authentic self miraculously awakens and becomes stronger than your ego, then you will truly begin to make a difference in this world. You will literally enter into a partnership with the creative principle.”

Think about that. Isn’t leadership about really making a difference? When you tap into that authenticity that is you, there is no limit to what you can accomplish. What will you do to be sure you are applying authenticity to your leadership today?