“The Heart Mender” is a book that I recently read as a part of my participation in the BookSneeze program by Thomas Nelson Publishers. It’s a pretty cool thing to do, and if you have a blog and you like to read, you might check it out. In exchange for writing a review on a blog, they will send you the book. This book comes with an added bonus because they sent me an extra copy to give away on my blog. Stay tuned for how you can win a copy for yourself!

This book is a good mix of history and great storytelling. In 1942, German subs are dispatched to the Gulf of Mexico to sink U.S. vessels carrying goods and fuel. While taking a late-night walk, Helen Mason—widowed by war—discovers the near-lifeless body of a German sailor. Enraged at the site of Josef Landermann’s uniform, Helen is prepared to leave him to die when an unusual phrase, faintly uttered, changes her mind. In The Heart Mender, a small town must prepare itself for the worst the world has to offer, and Josef and Helen must reconcile their pasts to create a future.

I have been a fan of Andy Andrews’ work since I read “The Traveler’s Gift” and found it so profoundly impacted my life. I must admit, though, that there was always one book I hadn’t really read, even though I purchased it, “Island of Saints.” I’m not really even sure why I didn’t read it, it just seemed at the time that it didn’t hold much appeal to me. Imagine my surprise when, in the author’s notes in the front of the book, I learned this is the same story under a new title. Determined to fulfill my commitment in the BookSneeze program, I was committed to reading it this time. What I found is that it was a hard book to put down and I read nonstop until it was done. It is an amazing story.

Why a book about forgiveness on a leadership blog? Because forgiveness is about second chances. It’s about letting go of the past. I believe as leaders we need to be able to do both, forgive, and give second chances. In leadership roles, we often find ourselves hurt, and unfortunately sometimes we are also the one hurting someone else. That makes this book a great lesson for leaders, and I hope you will read the book for yourself. It has caused me to really evaluate some things in my own life and make some changes.

No Man is an Island

This concept really is a powerful one. The quote comes from John Donne and was written in 1623. He wrote: “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of a continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less…Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”

As humans, we are interconnected to each other. The story takes place on an island, which is part of the symbolism in the book. And yet, there is a portion of the book that really spoke to me. It is spoken by Margaret, one of the characters in the book, to her husband, talking about the quote above. It is on page 157 of the book, and says:
“Where is it written that for one person to forgive another, the offender must ask for forgiveness? Where is it written–not in the Bible, for sure–that for one person to forgive another, the offender must deserve it? How about this…where is it written that for one person to forgive another, the offender has to approve it, accept it, or even know about it? …. ‘No man is an island’ if we choose not to forgive. Not to forgive means we yield ourselves to another person’s control–another person’s governing values and his attitudes and actions. We are forced by someone else into sequences of act and response, of outrage and revenge, and you know what? It always gets worse. Our present, when we refuse to forgive, is endlessly overwhelmed by the past. But we become an ‘island’ when we forgive. The act sets us apart from the burdens of people we generally don’t like in the first place! Forgiveness frees the forgiver.

Sometimes we attach our entire lives to the moment we were hurt and allow it to define and consume our very existence. We travel with that hurt–that offense–and brood over it every time it comes to mind. We sleep with it, eat with it. The ‘wrong’ that has been done to us dictates how we speak to our children, our spouses, our friends…Even when those who have mistreated us, abused us, cheated us, or oppressed us…my God, Billy, even when they die, our anger and resentment do not have the decency to do the same! Our hurt continues to live.”

Her husband’s response was a simple one: “Until we forgive. I see it. There is no such thing as managing one’s anger. It simply can’t be done. The only answer is to forgive…and get rid of it forever.”

What powerful words and what amazing truth they hold. So many times we allow those hurts in our lives to impact us, even after the person is long gone. Forgiveness really is for the forgiver, not the offender. What a powerful thought that the simple act of forgiving someone does not rely on them wanting it, asking for it, accepting it, or even deserving it. Yet, to forgive frees us from the hold that the anger has on us.

I am so thankful that this book was a choice for me to read. The message is powerful and one that needs to be shared more often.

How you can win a copy of The Heart Mender
Thomas Nelson has given me a copy to give away here on this blog. To be eligible for our drawing, you need to do two things:
Respond here in the comments section with why you would like to have a copy of the book. Post a link to this blog post to your Facebook or Twitter account. The winner will be drawn from those who participate and will be notified next week. You must post by Sunday, May 23, in order to be eligible.

I look forward to your responses!

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For some help and ideas on this, see these topics:
Leadership and Humility
Don’t Be a Puffer Fish

ST. LOUIS–(BUSINESS WIRE)–A new Maritz® Poll conducted by Maritz Research, a leader in employee satisfaction research, paints a dire outlook of American workforce attitudes toward employers. Employees’ trust toward their workplace has taken a severe hit, with employees across all industry segments citing a lack of trust in not only senior leaders, but direct managers and co-workers as well.

“You’ve got to maintain credibility with your workforce as a means of getting them to totally buy in to the mission and vision of your company. Anything less fosters a disengaged workforce that puts self-interest at the top of its list of priorities.”

According to the poll, few (11 percent) employees strongly agree their managers show consistency between their words and actions. In addition, only seven percent of employees strongly agree they trust senior leaders to look out for their best interest, and only seven percent strongly agree they trust their co-workers to do so. Approximately one-fifth of respondents disagree that their company’s leader is completely honest and ethical, and one-quarter of respondents disagree that they trust management to make the right decisions in times of uncertainty. While workplace trust has been dwindling since the Enron, WorldCom, and Tyco scandals of the earlier part of the decade, threats of layoffs and downsizing have only exacerbated the problem.

“In times like these, trust is an especially critical issue. Companies need their best people more than ever to be engaged and productive. But, often, this process starts at the top,” says Rick Garlick, Ph.D., senior director of consulting and strategic implementation, Hospitality Research Group, Maritz Research. “You’ve got to maintain credibility with your workforce as a means of getting them to totally buy in to the mission and vision of your company. Anything less fosters a disengaged workforce that puts self-interest at the top of its list of priorities.”

In cases where management trust was strong, the study found that employees were significantly more committed to working for their companies. More than half of respondents (58 percent) with strong trust in their management were completely satisfied with their job, while only four percent of respondents with weak trust in management cited they were completely satisfied with their job.

The study also revealed:

* Nearly two-thirds (63 percent) of respondents with strong trust in management would be happy to spend the rest of their career with their present company. This compares to only seven percent of respondents who have weak trust in management.
* More than half of those surveyed (51 percent) with strong management trust would invest money in their company if they could versus only six percent of those surveyed with weak management trust.
* Only three percent of respondents with weak management trust look forward to coming to work everyday. For those with strong management trust, 50 percent responded they look forward to coming to work everyday.

Which Industry Fares Well? Hospitality Employees and Its Customers

While the survey suggests there is room for improvement across all sectors, the hospitality industry seems to have some advantages over others. For example, hospitality employees (14 percent) are more likely than other industry segments (9 percent) to rate their company as a “fun place to work.” Hospitality sector employees also tend to rate their companies better on customer service-related issues and the impact they make:

* More than one-third (34 percent) completely understand how their work impacts customers’ experiences, compared to only 23 percent in other industries.
* Twenty percent believe they have the authority they need to respond promptly to customer problems and requests, versus just 15 percent of respondents in other industries.

Approximately one-fifth (21 percent) of hospitality respondents believe their customers would rate the service they deliver as excellent, compared to only 14 percent of respondents in other segments. However, there is room for improvement. Only 15 percent of employees agree that their company has the policies, systems and procedures in place to deliver outstanding customer service.

“With the hospitality industry taking one of the biggest hits due to poor economic conditions and negative perceptions, it is promising that employees feel positive about the connection of their daily work to customer service issues. But, it is still not a rosy picture when it comes to engagement. The results show that a lack of trust runs rampant in this sector as well, which impacts employees’ perceived long term career development opportunities, co-worker relationships, and productivity levels,” says Garlick.

Don’t slash that recognition program

The weak economy forced companies to cut costs across the organization. And, unfortunately, formal recognition programs were frequently sacrificed. More than one-third of respondents (33 percent) cited their company scaled back or eliminated their recognition program in the past year. There is some data, at least from the employees’ perspective, to suggest these cuts have had an impact on the quality of service they deliver to customers. Among employees whose companies kept recognition programs intact, 25 percent strongly agreed their customers would rate their service as excellent. Among those whose companies cut back on their recognition programs or never had one, only 14 percent strongly agreed customers would rate their service as excellent.

“Recognition programs are critical to demonstrating to employees that they are valued and appreciated for the work they perform. It’s an important engagement tool, as it helps to reinforce messages about how people are making an impact,” says Garlick. “This is a wake-up call for management teams that consider employee recognition programs as expendable. Not only do recognition programs positively impact employee engagement levels, they ultimately lead to positive customer service perceptions, which impact the bottom line.”

About Maritz® Poll

Maritz® Poll is a copyrighted poll conducted since 1988 by Maritz Research. Maritz Poll comprises regular surveys on topics related to the automotive, financial services, hospitality, retail, technology, and telecommunications sectors as well as workplace issues. This poll was conducted March 1-5, 2010. The 2,004 respondents were people who were employed full time and drawn from a national e-mail panel. Sampling error for the overall poll is +/-3 percent. Results of the poll may be used in print or broadcast media, provided credit is given to the Maritz Poll and/or Maritz Research.

About Maritz Research

As one of the world’s largest marketing research firms, Maritz Research, a unit of Maritz, helps many of today’s most successful companies improve performance through an actionable understanding of their customers, employees, and channel partners. Founded in 1973, Maritz Research offers a range of strategic and tactical solutions concentrating primarily in the automotive, financial services, hospitality, telecommunications and technology and retail industries. Maritz Research projects are carried out in compliance with the International Standard: ISO 20252:2006 Market, Opinion, and Social Research Standard. Maritz Research is a member of CASRO and official sponsor of the American Marketing Association.

So, how about it? What can leaders do to regain that lost trust? More important, what can we do to not lose that trust in the first place?

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“What comes first, the compass or the clock? Before one can truly manage time (the clock), it is important to know where you are going, what your priorities and goals are, in which direction you are headed (the compass). Where you are headed is more important than how fast you are going. Rather than always focusing on what’s urgent, learn to focus on what is really important.”

Priorities are important, no matter what aspect of life you’re talking about. Operating on a simple to do list isn’t very effective if you don’t know which things on that list are really important. Without prioritizing those things, the juggling we do feels like we are juggling huge boulders instead of simple foam balls. And when one of those things falls to the ground, it creates a much bigger ripple effect.

Take a look at your to do list. Things are easy to prioritize if you make those lists according to your values. What is most important? What will have the biggest impact? Too often in our attempt to juggle things and get it all done, we neglect some of those things that we say we really value.

I’d like to say juggling all of the priorities in my life is easy and I’ve accomplished it. I haven’t. There are days when I realize that, while I may have gotten all of the “work” done for the day, I haven’t done much with family or friends. Balance in that area is important.

I like to start by looking at my list of values. Then compare that to my list of priorities. Do they all fit within that list of values? If not, perhaps it doesn’t belong on my priority list. I then take that list and put a simple A, B, C to it. A means it is important and urgent and must get done today. The B list are things that are still important and need to get done, and yet if they aren’t finished today, it’s okay. Those things on the C list are my “wish” list of things I’d like to do. This helps as I can attack the A list first, then move to the B list, and if there’s time in the day, I can do some of the C’s. If something doesn’t get done on my B list, I move it to the next day. It’s a simple system, but one that seems to work.

How do you juggle your priorities? What challenges do you have in doing that? Let’s have some dialogue!

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As leaders, it is so important that we “walk the talk” in our lives. Leaders are watched all the time to see if they are actually doing what they tell others to do. This is true no matter where you are, your work, your family, friends, and coworkers. It is disheartening to have a leader who you believe in and see them not do this. And yet, it is perhaps one of the most challenging things we must do as leaders.

Take a few short minutes and watch this film and then I’d love to hear your comments below. What is your biggest challenge and how will you meet it today?

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Have you ever had one of those days, or weeks, when you’re the leader and you work to motivate the folks around you, yet nothing you do seems to work? Or something you tried just fell flat and didn’t work at? I think we have all had those times and they sure aren’t fun. What happens then? Who motivates the motivator?

A friend of mine once said “leadership’s not for sissies,” and I sure agree with that statement. It’s tough work. There are days when it just seems too much to keep going and you want to quit. What do you do then? Well, a good leader just bucks up and moves on, right? Yes, and if only it were that easy.

I believe leaders need to have a plan for those times when things just aren’t easy. Here are a few suggestions for you:

• Have someone you can go to who WILL encourage you. It may be your spouse, your best friend, just have it be someone who isn’t on the team you’re trying to motivate. It has to be someone who can and will let you be “human.”
• Read motivational quotes and books. I find some great pick-me-ups in things like this. You can subscribe to daily motivational quotes as a way to start your day.
• Remember the times when sometime DID work. Take a few minutes and remember how it felt when something you did was awesome and you just wanted to push even harder to get more done.
• Network with other leaders. It helps to share challenges with other leaders and learn from each other how someone else has handled a similar situation.
• Take a look at the people you have mentored. For me, that’s one of the biggest feelings of accomplishment, watching someone else grow. It’s exciting to see them come into their own and to remember how they started.
• Take a break! No one can be “up” 100% of the time and sometimes it’s best just to step away and take a break. Imagine a day with no work, no internet, no interruptions, just to relax and do for YOU. It can be quite refreshing.

What have I left out? What other things do you do to find motivation when you just don’t feel like it? I look forward to your comments.

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Last week when we talked about what happens when leaders derail is that they sometimes lose sight of their humility. I think it may be fear that causes that, and the puffer fish is a great example of what happens. When a puffer fish is threatened, they swallow huge amounts of water or air, causing them to grow several times their normal size. This allows them, in most instances, to not become prey for another animal. If you take a look at this picture, it also doesn’t make them very pretty. On one of my first visits to Barbados, I bought a puffer fish spine, all blown up, from a street vendor. I was fascinated with how big this little fish had become.

What we need to remember is that being humble is about not boasting or exaggerating our size. We often live in a “fake it till you make it” kind of world, and in reality that’s not authentic leadership. So, I encourage you, don’t become the puffer fish in your leadership style. It may work for the fish, but it’s not only unattractive but usually unsuccessful in leadership.

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Do you ever get stuck in this cycle? You have something new to do, or even something that you just need to get done. So you make a plan. Then you analyze that plan to death, wanting to be sure you have covered all of the “what ifs” and things that just might happen. That way, of course, you have a contingency plan for everything.

On top of this, we always want the things we do to be creative, to be great, and to succeed. At some point, we get so deep into the analysis, that our lizard brain takes over and we get stuck–paralysis by analysis.

The reality is that not every single thing we do will be great. Some will succeed, and some won’t. It is also true that if we never DO it, we’ll never see the results of the ideas that ARE great.

Whatever you are working on this week, I encourage you to SHIP it. Just get it done. What are you waiting on?

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All leaders must grow to be truly successful. Sometimes as leaders, we just get too comfortable in what we are doing. We believe we have learned everything we need to be successful, and we stop searching for ways to grow. I don’t think we ever stop learning all we need to learn.

So how do you grow? Here are five tips for ways to grow as a leader:

• Find a mentor. There are many different leadership styles. Seek out someone whose leadership style you admire and ask them to mentor you.  Chances are they will be flattered that you asked. In doing that, remember that the mentor isn’t the one who does all the work in a mentoring situation. Learn what you can and apply it. Without that application, it’s not real growth.
• Books.  Read, read, and read. There are a lot of books published about leadership. Find authors you like and be sure you read their books. My goal for 2010 is to read at least one new book. Again, don’t just read. Be sure you apply what you are reading to begin to have more effective leadership.  Some of my favorites are books by Seth Godin, Ken Blanchard, and Andy Andrews.
• Become self-aware. Really sit down and evaluate your motives in leadership. The best leaders are ones who approach leaders from a servant leadership thought process. Leaders who believe they are there to serve the people  they lead will find a much more productive experience.
• You might want to enroll in a leadership coaching class or seminar. These can be very effective in learning new ideas on how to approach things.
• It is also important to remember that all of this learning doesn’t really help unless you apply it. In Seth Godin’s book “Linchpin,” he calls this “SHIP.” You must ship, get those ideas out there, try them, and see what works!

What things have I forgotten here? How have you found growth as a leader? What are some of the ways you have grown in leadership, personally or professionally, and how did you reach that growth?

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Yes, you did read that headline right, F is for failure. And failure is a part of leadership. How many times have you tried to do something and failed? And then what? Did you give up, or did you find another way to do it or perhaps even realize that it was better to find a new thing to do? No one is successful 100% of the time. When failure comes, and it will, it is important to not let it paralyze you. A quick walk through history will show you that failure is not uncommon in courageous leaders.

Abraham went to war a captain when he was a young man, and returned home a private. He failed in business. He failed in building a law practice because he was too impractical and temperamental. He was defeated in politics six times before he was elected President of the United States. He is quoted as saying “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade. He became Prime Minister at the age of 62, after being defeated in every election for public office. He later wrote “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never–in nothing, great or small, large or petty–never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never, Never, Never, Never give up.”

How about Thomas Edison? His teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything,” and he was fired from his first two jobs for being “nonproductive.” Before he invented the light bulb, he made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts. When asked how it felt to fail 1,000 times, he said “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

We’ve seen failure in business, and certainly are seeing that in today’s world. And yet, Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before he succeeded. R. H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York city made it. When Bell Telephone was struggling to get off the ground, they offered to sell all of their rights to Western Union, who rejected the offer, saying, “What use could this company possibly make of an electrical toy.”

Sports is another area where we have seen failure before success. Vince Lombardi was once described as one who “…possesses minimal football knowledge and lacks motivation.” He would later write “It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get back up.” Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and credits his failures in life as the reason for his success.

One of my favorites is the story of Walt Disney, who was fired from a newspaper because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” He also went bankrupt several times before he build Disneyland. Even Charles Schultz had every cartoon he did rejected by his high school yearbook staff, and Charlie Chaplin was rejected by the Hollywood studio chiefs because his pantomime was considered “nonsense.” Last, the manager of the Grand Ole Opry fired Elvis Presley after one performance, telling Presley “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”

Think about that for a minute. Failure simply IS a part of success. In order to succeed, we have to step outside of our comfort zone and try something new. And yes, some of those things will fail, probably more than will succeed. But what if you never try? What do you lose by never trying something because you are afraid to fail?

What will you do today to embrace the failures, knowing that success comes if you continue to try?

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We’ve all heard the famous Vince Lombardi quote “Winners never quit and quitters never win,” and yet, is that really true? Think about the times when you have taken a new position somewhere. It’s challenging and exciting. As you learn more and become more familiar with things, your momentum increases. Then you hit a cul-de-sac, where nothing really happens. That is sometimes what our roles feel like as leaders. And it is in those times that we need to figure out whether to quit or stick.

I think everyone has had a time when they felt like they were spinning their wheels. I talk to a lot of people who came into their roles enthusiastic and excited, believing THIS was the role where they would really make a difference. And then it happens. The dip.

Some key things to consider when you hit the dip:
1. Am I panicking? Be sure it’s not just a panic reaction. The best time to decide to quit is in advance.
2. Who am I trying to influence? A person or a market?
3. What sort of measurable progress am I making? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? And are you sure it’s not a freight train?

Today I want to share a video with you about this book. It’s from a guy who does book reviews online, takes about 10 minutes to watch, and is well worth the watch.

What about you? What are some times when you have faced a dip and either pushed through it or decided it was best to quit?

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