C is for Communication
In our study of the ABCs of Leadership, C is for communication. Without communication, we really have no basis for common ground. Communication, by the very nature of its definition (The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior), is a two-way process. Yes, there is such a thing as one-way communication, but is that really communication? Isn’t it really about the “exchange” of ideas and information? I think so.
Every one of us has a different style of communication. How many times have you had a misunderstanding and felt like responding with “You didn’t hear what I meant to say.” We see this in all areas of life. In our personal lives with spouses, family, friends, and in our professional lives with colleagues, peers, and others in our business.
A few years ago, I was introduced to a great tool for improving communication. It is the book The Five Love Languages
The book talks about five love languages–quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gifts. While we may operate with all of them, every person has a primary love language, the one that counts the most. The book has a short quiz you can take to figure out what your primary language is. What we tend to do is express our care and concern for others in our own language, instead of figuring out what theirs is and doing it that way. That leads to misunderstandings and others feeling we really don’t care about them. For example, my primary love language is quality time. In my first marriage, my ex’s primary language was clearly gifts; it was how he expressed he cared about someone, and it was how he saw that others cared about him. On the other hand, his idea of quality time was going to a movie. That didn’t equate to quality time for me, and I often had a hard time really appreciating the gifts he would bring me. Today, in hindsight, I realize that it was just his way of showing he cared. I would much more appreciate an hour of someone’s time sitting at a Starbucks talking than an expensive gift. This is probably also why I enjoyed my last boss so much. We could spend hours at a Starbucks brainstorming about business ideas. My husband now has a primary love language of acts of service. He simply loves to do for others. He cooks for me all the time. It is how he shows his love, and I have learned to love that about him. I have also had to learn to accept his way of showing that love and giving.
In the workplace, it’s the same thing. If you know the primary love language of the people you lead, then you can learn to really express your appreciation of what they do and who they are. For example, it won’t do a lot of good to send someone a gift if their primary love language is words of affirmation; on the other hand, telling them, privately or publicly, what a great job they did on a project goes a long way to showing them you care. Be careful, though, to be sure that your communication is genuine. People can spot a fake compliment fast and it negates the words.
My friend has a saying when working with people that goes like this: “Meet them where they are.” I love that saying because it really speaks to leaders understanding that they have to go to the people, not the other way around. Leaders have a responsibility to be sure that what they communicate is clear and authentic. Do this and avoid having to say “You didn’t hear what I meant.”
One of my favorite quotes about communication comes from Anthony Robbins: “To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”
What challenges do you face with communication? What will you do today to improve your communication in the areas of your life where you are a leader? I look forward to your comments.
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Tagged with: authenticity • communication • five love languages • improve your communication • leadership
Filed under: Personal Development • The ABCs of Leadership
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